I need some help & advice....?

If I can help you in any meaningful way, then reading this is my pleasure. I hope you do take my advice. You certainly need to see a professional about your drinking and thoughts of suicide. That is number one. As for the fall of your self-esteem, that happens to most people at some point in their lives. Moving on from that is only possible if you change the way you think. I know it sounds simplistic, but it is simple. You are whatever you think you are. If you feel worthless, then you become worthless. If you see all of these sad things that happened to you as simply a page in life, then you will accept them and move on. I realize that you think all of this is the "end of the world," but it is really nothing--as far as life's problems go. That doesn't help you, but it is true. Get professional help, think positively, see yourself as worthy, and good luck.